Eph. 5:25-27 "The Principle of Covenant Love"pt.1

Introduction:

Today we move from the focus upon the wife in relation to her husband, to the focus upon the husband in relation to his wife. These verses are not here in Ephesians 5 to serve primarily for launching attacks against your spouse. They are here to be instructive in order to guide husbands and wives to look to Christ as the model for how they are to live marriage out to the glory of Christ.

Marriage could stand a fresh perspective, a reset to the original purpose and function. The culture presents such a distorted view in our current day. The focus is on tolerance to one another in marriage instead of grace abounding with obedience to Christ being the focus. The word of God actually commands husbands to love their wives. Look back at the first line of verse 25 of our text:

I. The Command (25a). “Husbands, love your wives”

This use of love is a command that Paul is issuing to husbands. Remember the wive were expected to submit to their husbands back up in verse 22 but there was no imperative command associated with the expectation of a wife to submit to her husband.

Now wives do not go home today and say to your husband that the Bible doesn’t command a wife to submit to her husband, but the Bible does command a husband to love His wife.

Because it is true that there is no command to a wife to submit to her husband in Ephesians 5 there is the double command in Colossians 3:18-19: 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Husbands, love is being contrasted in Colossians 3:19 with being harsh. Harsh here refers to treating someone as to make them bitter.

The love being talked about in Colossians 3:19 and here in our text this morning in Ephesians 5:22 is the verb form of Agape in the original language. And here it is being used in the context of a husband’s expression towards his wife.

And this is far beyond merely an emotion of feeling something internally. We know this because of the example that is tied to it in the second half of verse 25-verse 27: Look back at your text:

II. The Example (25b-27).

The example given is in how Christ loved the Church. He loved the Church so much so that He gave himself up for her (25b).

The love of Christ for the Church is characterized by sacrifice. He laid His life down as an expression of love for us to accomplish that which was for our benefit and good. Christ was the one who initiated it on our behalf to bring about our reconciliation to God.

Now we have already learned from Ephesians 5:23 that the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the Church. And now we are learning that there is an expression of sacrificial love for the wife at the heart of this headship.

Husbands this is not a self centered exercise where you build your power base in your marriage relationship. No your marriage is where you come to glorify Christ by serving for the good and well-being of your wife in exercising sacrificial love towards her for that which benefits her for the glory of Christ.

Husband this sanctifies the tendency to be self-serving our of you as you learn to take up the mantle of Spiritual leadership in your home. It is easy to be the boss but it is not so easy to take up your Cross to minister sacrificially to your wife in a way that manifest the glory of Christ.

Many husbands have said things to me through the years that indicated that they had no clue what Spiritual headship was through the years. Some think that passivity towards their wives was the best way to show Christ. Just let my wife do as she pleases. Others believe that making a lot of rules for the wife is the best way. And Insist on the wife following their rules out of fear of their husband.

Husbands if a wife believes that you are really exercising your dominion out of selfish ambition they will see right through you like a Motel 6 bed sheet. And your demands will often create bitterness in your relationship with her.

But a wife who is confident that you have her best interest at heart for the glory of Christ will follow you to the moon out of her love for Christ. And even when some of your decisions and leading may be wrong and misguided they will be ready to extend grace to you and to encourage you to get back in the saddle and keep charging forward for Christ and His Kingdom.

Husbands you are not the Holy Spirit for your wife. Certainly He may use you but you are not the one who must exercise the primary control over your wife. A wife that is led by the Holy Spirit doesn’t need to be micro-managed by you. If she is in Christ she is empowered already and guided already and she is your best confidant and companion that you have.

Husband God has given your wife as a helpmate to you. Don’t stifle her, turn her loose to be the blessing that God intended her to be for His glory in your life as the head of your home. Husbands be wise! Proverbs 31:10-12 says: 10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Certainly the Holy Spirit may use you in the life of your wife. But she is your fellow heir of the Kingdom of God as Peter tells us in 1 Peter 3:7: 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Husbands she has an inheritance in the Kingdom just like you do. The Kingdom of God doesn’t have second class citizens. The exercise of biblical headship requires you to be understanding, to show honor (means to esteem her value), though she is weaker in physical capacity she is to be treated with dignity and honor and respect in the way you love her.

Husband in all of these things you are embodying the grace of the gospel as depicted in the relationship between Christ and His Church. Christ initiated and established our relationship with Him while we were yet sinners. He didn’t let our actions keep Him from initiating His work of redemption. And in doing so He had a purpose.

That purpose was multi-faceted with spiritual implications. First we see that it was to sanctify the Church and He done this by cleansing the Church by the washing of water with the word (26).

This term “sanctify” refers to consecrating or setting something aside in consecrated purity (BAGD).

The “washing of water with the word” is referring to Christ and His work through His word. He was the incarnate word made flesh and He declared His own gospel in word and fulfilled that word in His death burial and resurrection and He has worked through the word by the Holy Spirit to regenerate His covenant people and continue sanctifying them by His word.

But why would He do this? Is it to make us clean from a religious perspective to enhance our sense of religious vanity and purity? No, He has something else in mind. We see it in the second purpose in verse 27.

It is the purpose of presenting the Church to Himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle, holy and without blemish (27).

Christ is securing and purifying His future bride for Himself. He is currently providing, for her and getting ready for the great day of His appearing and the final unveiling of His eternal bride. This will be the day when He presents the Church to Himself in splendor. That word “splendor” refers to the idea of high esteem, it pertains to possessing an inherent quality that is not ordinary. It is a display that will be glorious.

John in Revelation saw the bride as the New Jerusalem coming down out of heaven in Revelation 21:1-4: 1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Husbands there is an eternal perspective tied to marriage. There will come a day when earthly marriages will be over and the eternal marriage between Christ and His Church will begin.

This is why your marriage can not primarily be about you as a husband but must be about Christ if you are to display biblical headship. How you live on the horizontal plain between you and your wife must be a reflection of the vertical relationship with Christ and His Church of which both you and your believing wife are a part.

Nor can it be primarily about the things of this world. The world system, under the dominion of the evil one, conveys these false ideas as an attempt to rob God of His glory in marriage. Men have used headship in perverted ways throughout history and women have pushed back on submission because of these perversions. And new definitions and trends have redefined marriage and its purpose.

People enter marriage in an attempt to find self fulfillment or to have their perceived needs met, whether they be sexual or financial. But marriage is not primarily about any of those things. Marriage is about the glorification of Christ. And it is most glorifying to Him when His gospel of grace is being demonstrated in the relationship between husband and wife.

For all things, including marriage are created by Him and for Him (Col. 1:16).

Conclusion:

When you see the gospel of grace being reflected in our experience of marriage it is what I mean by the gospel being a catalyst for everything in your life. Faith in Christ and His gospel contextualized life in Christ in all of our relationships.

And it begins with our relationship with God. This relationship sets the stage for how we live out our lives with one another in our homes, in the church and even in the world.

This is why I bring us back to the finished work of Christ in the gospel, and I never tire of it. Because it is what we need and need to be reminded of it. Confess and receive from Him His grace again. Knowing that like the perfectly faithful husband that only He is, He holds out grace to us for restoration and assurance in the security of His finished work.

Unbeliever, You need the gospel! None but Christ, the perfectly, faithful provider can secure you to God for eternity. Let’s Pray!